1949

Trapped in a Wedding Gift

57

inches too short to accommodate the
two things sticking out the bottom
of your gift. Never mind; we’ll cross
that bridge if we ever get to it. Now
take a few sheets of tissue paper and
pad the bottom of the box. Now pick
up the rest of the stuff that you’ve
spilled to the floor trying to do it.

Next, wrap your gift around as
smoothly as you can with more tis-
sue paper. It may look somewhat
weird, with those two things sticking
out of the bottom, but don’t let that
worry you. Turn the gift around and
wrap more tissue paper around it, so
that the gift is completely covered,
except where the two things puncture
the tissue and stick out again.

To hold the tissue paper together,
use Scotch tape. If you haven’t got
any, go back to the stationer and get
some, while your husband holds the
tissue together. To fix the Scotch tape
at key points, you have to exert some
pressure on the tissue at unsupported
spots, and this naturally rips it. So
you tear it all off and do it over until
you run out of tissue.

This is just as well, since I forgot
to tell you to put your greeting card
in with the gift. That is, in case you
dare to. If your gift looks like most
wedding gifts, your best bet is to
hide the card in the package where
it can’t be found. Then they can’t
get mad at you for sending the gift.

Don’t throw all your ripped tissue
paper away. Rumple it up carefully
and pack it all around the gift, which
you now put in the white box. Where
the two things that stick out won’t

fit, you cut neat holes in the box, or
better yet, cut off the two things.

Now you put on the lid, making
sure to jam it on tight so that the
corners break. You might as well
break ’em and beat the post office to
it. Get your husband to hold the
box in mid-air as you wind the satin
ribbon around it. You’ll find that,
as you attempt to turn it for the sec-
ond wind-around, the first wind-
around will slip. Therefore, do the
second wind-around first, and the
first, second. Any questions?

After you finish tying the box, you
may find that your husband’s hands
are tied under the ribbon. If this hap-
pens, my advice to you is: Rather
than go through the whole desperate
business again, send him along with
the gift.

This leaves you with the white, sat-
in-finish paper, which I forgot to tell
you to put around the white box be-
fore tying it. You’ll find this will
come in very handy in lining shelves.
As for the artificial white flowers,
good taste suggests that you throw
them away. I just told you to buy
them to teach you a good lesson, the
exact point of which escapes me at
the moment.

One final, important word of ad-
vice for husbands on wrapping gift
packages. If you have a friend named
Alexander and he’s getting married
this June, sign a check for a pop-up
toaster, hand it to your wife and leave
for South America.

Otherwise you might get to be an
expert like me.